I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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