We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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