I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
