just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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