Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
two words: eviction party
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
