Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
