around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
