It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
