But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
