we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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