I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
