I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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