Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
