I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
