hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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