I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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