Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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