I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
