so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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