If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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