woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
