just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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