A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
