You just made me feel so damn special
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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