You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
