You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
