Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
