I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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