the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
