everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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