did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
