i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
