So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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