I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
