Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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