Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
