So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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