Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
sex in a hospital.. check
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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