I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
