Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
