they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
