we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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