Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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