Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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