She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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