I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
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Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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