I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
