Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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