wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
