Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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