I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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