We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
