i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
