I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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