I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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