It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
