maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
