nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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