chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
