I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
