I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
