we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have already put on my inside pants.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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