I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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