I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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