its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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