is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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